The News Corpse
From Die2Nite Wiki
The News Corpse, Also known as The Gazette, is the town's two page newspaper, which is published daily at midnight and edited by The Crow. It is also the location of the Great Register: the list consisting of all the town's activities.
On the left-hand page are a few paragraphs relating to the events of the previous day and night, generally not in a pleasant manner. At the bottom of the left page are the obituaries, the list of people who died
List of Possible Gazette Entries
On the second message onwards (if there is a second message) it will read one of the following words or phrases before the respective text:
- NB: (Nota Belle or "Note Well")
- That reminds me,
- Funny story,
- Listen to this,
This is the part of the Gazette that provides the town with information about the previous night's attack, specifically any deaths that occurred.
- [Resident] spent the whole night howling in their house, to the point that everyone thought that the zombies were making citizen steaks out of him. It turns out that they were just having a massive breakdown. No deaths in town last night.
- [Resident] was saved in the nick of time when getting ready to hang themselves in their home last night. They explained, "I thought they were going to eat me alive, and I didn't want to live to see that". In hindsight, it was a poor decision, as no zombies made it into town last night.
- A great night for some well-earned celebrations. No deaths in town resulting from the attack ! A sizeable horde attacked near the great southern wall.
- A peaceful night in town. The [#] that came last night hit some parts of town pretty hard, but there's nothing remarkable to report.
- Apart from that, good, nobody died last night. A horde of nearly [#] zombies wailed outside all night, but around none managed to breach our defences.
- Horde food shortage : [#] zombies, and not one of them got anything to eat last night, our defences held up well.
- It looks like we got it right, since no zombies breached the walls last night.
- It should be noted that our defences not far from the great southern wall withstood the Hordes' terrifying attack last night. Around [#] zombies ! No loss of life during the attack.
- No deaths to report from last night. It could even be said that the community has (finally) worked out how to organise itself to avoid extinction.
- No deaths tonight. All is well. However, I guarantee you the zombies will be starving tonight: I don't fancy our chances...
- No losses in the ranks to report following the attack (none in town at least). "Yeah, I guess, but we're all going to die tomorrow night!" according to [resident], a sceptical citizen.
- Our defences at the eastern wall seem satisfactory. The terrifying creatures from the horde were kept at bay... this time !
- Our defences made it through the night. I doubt they'll be sufficient for tonight, the zombies are going to be starving...
- Our defences not far from the great southern wall withstood the Hordes' terrifying attack last night. Around [#] zombies ! No loss of life during the attack.
- Some citizens were sweating last night. A wave of around 50 monsters tried to destroy our town, albeit unsuccessfully.
- The [#] zombies from last night had nothing but our scraps to get their teeth into, and some animal carcasses... Our defences held up well.
- The zombies came at us hard for some time, but none got through... However, don't doubt for a second that they'll be back tonight, even hungrier and certainly greater in number...
- This morning, [resident] celebrated last night's thwarting of the zombie hordes by running buck naked through the streets. "I wanted to celebrate the dawning of this new day in an appropriate fashion", the citizen explained.
- We bid a fond farewell to [name], the old dog that lived in the village... [name] incessant barking which annoyed everyone in the neighbourhood stopped for good as of last night's attack. Poor thing... The good news is that there was no loss of human life in the town to speak of.
- We had what we needed (at the northern wall/near the western quarter) to keep the [#] shuffling stiffs from getting through last night, that much is sure. Zero losses - save a few houses they hit.
- With Around [#] zombies at the gates last night, we could have feared the worst, but not a single one got in : good times ! Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back just yet !
- You heard them last night... the cries, the groans. Around [#] zombies. We managed to prevail this time, but tomorrow... tomorrow will be even worse...
Only one casualty
- [resident] ran out of luck last night. That aside, it was a tranquil night in town...
- Everybody seems to be silently rejoicing following the death of [resident] last night... However, nobody has explained why. [resident] commented: "their mother was hamster, and their father smelt of elderberries". (Reference to the Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail movie.)
- Everyone heard [resident] screaming when they were being torn apart by the zombies. Evidently nobody tried to help. Survival instinct. Will you be able to sleep at night now?
- I'm sure it's not just me who thinks we have a score to settle with [resident] who "forgot" to close the gates after having opened them. It's ultimately down to you guys though...[?]
- Some citizens witnessed a strange event... It could be said that the zombies came exclusively for [resident] last night. They carried the body all the way to the construction site before the dismembering began !
- Some say that the death of [resident] was not down to luck... the only victim last night... Could someone among us have provoked their death?
Few deaths (gates open)
- Apart from that, what is the point of building defences if citizens like [resident^] open the gates and don't think to close them before midnight? Fortunately there was only limited damage... BAN! BAN! BAN!
- Otherwise, the gates were left open last night. According to the register, it was down to [resident^]. Bravo! In the end up it could have been worse... despite this minor balls-up there weren't that many victims. Pfff...
^=Name of the last citizen mentioned in a "Gate" entry (entered/left town or operated the gates)
- Last night, some citizens report having seen [resident] opening the gates just before the attack. There are also some who say that it wasn't entirely accidental... Result: [#] deaths.
- A dreadful night for the town. The living dead massacred [#] of our community during the attack. You might like to take another look at our defences before tonight...
- The zombies found a weakness in our defences last night at the northern wall... Some houses withstood the attack. Others didn't... [#] dead. End of story.
- [resident] broke down in tears in front of everyone this morning (stress, no doubt), so happy not to be one of the [#] victims of the last attack.
- A handful of zombies broke through our defences near the northern quarter, we have no idea how... According to [resident], there was a crack in the wall near their house. As "luck" would have it, [#] citizens are dead, but they survived. It would appear that after the attack, the citizen carefully and conscientiously repared the crack... Does that sound a little suspect to you ?
- A tidal wave of [#] zombies crashed against our town last night! [#] citizens were devoured in their own homes or dragged into the desert... Another night like that, and we won't be here to talk about it.
- We need to get a move on; our inability to build satisfactiory defences cost the lives of [#] citizens last night. For your information, there were around [#] zombies attacking the town last night.
- There were insufficient defences in lpace last night. [#] citizens paid for your lack of organisation with their lives.
- Last night, [#] citizens didn't make it back home in time. Caught by the zombies during the attck, they would have had no chance. Some parts of them were found near the western quarter. Eye-witnesses report seeing [resident] shouting "Run, Forrest, RUN !" before bursting out laughing and running into their house.
- What a giant cock-up : [#] died in town last night! A massacre to which must be added [name], [survivor]'s [pet] whose crushed head was found wedged in the gates.
- Day of devastation: "The town is now no more than a vast, sickening cemetary. There was nobody here last night to resist the last attack : the town gates were forced open and reduced to splinters. [Town name] is no more."
- Later days: "This town is dead... Flee you poor fools!"
This part gives a quick explanation of the deaths of people who died for reasons other than the midnight attack (hanging, infection, dehydration etc.)
- A sterling effort from † [resident] who made a bet with me that they could survive without water. I won though !
- As of yesterday, † [resident] is nothing more than a dried out corpse in a bed. That's what happens when there's a water shortage. For some reason there seem to still be some people who think they can take it or leave it...
- Funny story, yesterday, †[resident] finally understood that water has its uses. A fine example of death by dehydration.
- † [resident]'s death from dehydration is a worrying sign. The more you think about it, the more thirsty you become, don't you find?
- Forgetting how for a moment, but one of the [#] citizens missing outside last night found his way back to the town. They were seen near the great wall ! That said, they were missing both legs and they were dead in the minutes that followed. Grim.
- † [resident] has been added to the list of Victims of the Horde, who has been missing in the World Beyond since yesterday.
- † [resident] hasn't returned to the town since they went outside yesterday...
- † [resident] wanted to play at being a Hero, wandering around outside without an escort. We haven't seen or heard from him in several hours.
- [#] citizens missed roll-call this morning... They went out last night... not one of them came back... Not ONE.
- [#] of your fellow citizens likely got turned into zombie chow last night. We haven't anything from them in several hours...
- "They're never coming back and we'll just have to deal with it", proposed [resident] this morning, talking about the [#] citizens that have been missing in the World Beyond for several hours...
- "You shouldn't go out", [resident] warned yesterday. He was correct, at least as far as the [#] citizens who we heard screaming in the desert all night were concerned...
- A little clarification on the mysterious message left by † [resident] : "Don't expect me for dinner tonight". They clearly decided to spend the night outside...
- Abandonned in the desert, the [#] citizens who went outside yesterday will surely never return.
- According to [resident] who was interviewed at the great wall this morning, the [#] citizens who went into the World Beyond yesterday still have not returned.
- No news from † [resident] in the several hours prior to my writing this.
- No news from our [#] courageous citizens who ventured into the World Beyond yesterday. If in doubt, pillage their house...
- Nobody lifted a finger to help the [#] citizens that were blocked outside last night. I hope you can sleep at night with their deaths on your conscience.
- Some citizens are missing. They've been in the desert since yesterday, but there has been no sign of them since the attack. I hope there is nobody you care about out there...
- The citizens clearly decided to leave † [resident] to their own devices in the World Beyond, but we haven't heard from them in some time. You guys are all heart...
- The danger continues to grow in the desert, as † [resident] found out to their cost. Don't go out alone any more !
- The ever-vigilant [resident] informed us of the disapearance of [#] citizens who were outside overnight. "They tried to hide, but it was a foregone conclusion. I saw it all through my binoculars. It's not a great loss".
- We add † [resident] to the list of those missing. They have been in the World Beyond since yesterday. It's unlikely they'll be coming back.
- Funny story, still no news from † [resident], who apparently thought it was a good idea to pitch their tent outside last night. Time will tell if that was a good idea.
- It didn't take long for the sickness to take down several citizens ([#], I think) during the night. Just [#] days of incubation and that's the end of them.
- That reminds me, the town smells like death. Deadly infections have stricken several citizens as of last night... Do we have anything in the bank to stop it?
- Listen to this, the bloated thing at † [resident]'s house is † [resident], whose infection was particularly invasive.
- [#] citizens have gone too far. Or not far enough. Whatever the case, the community decided to make them vanish yesterday.
- † [resident] didn't last long in town. Hanged in the town square and stoned to death. No half-measures here! Isn't civilisation grand?
- Grand melodrama yesterday during the hanging of † [resident]. The grief-stricken [resident] tried to spoil the festivities, and eventually attempted to achieve this goal through violence and other anti-social behaviour. Onlookers suggested hanging the wretched party-pooper..
- Yesterday was crackdown day in town, with the arrest and hanging of [#] citizens. Due process? What process ? There was no time.
- There were some fine hangings yesterday, it could be said that you're being a bit harsh, but there's no point in messing around, is there ?
- Caution ! A murderer is hiding among us! We found † [resident]'s body yesterday, who had been poisoned, probably with tetradoxin (don't ask me how I found that out). Who is the murderer ?
- Clearly someone didn't like † [resident] : their meal yesterday turned out to be their last. The poison which had been added to it was most effective...
- From now on, in addition to the nightly attacks, we have to consider murders. † [resident] being a prime example. Ingestion of compound 1080... Looks like we'll have a great time from here on in...
- Good news my friends ! There is a traitor in our midst. As if the midnight zombie massive wasn't enough, we now need to worry about danger coming from within the town walls. Yesterday, † [resident] was murdered. tetradoxin poisoning. Fellow citizens, it is time to panic!
- If I were you, I'd double-check everything before you swallow it. It seems, † [resident] should have been more careful yesterday. A victim of compound 1080 poisoning. A crime? Accident ? Who knows ? ... Oh yes... Me. I know.
- There's been a murder ! Someone has killed † [resident]! And it wasn't me who did it (even though I maybe wanted to...). Which particular knave did the dirty deed ins my place?
- There are more treacherous people than me in town. as proven by the untimely death of † [resident] yesterday, who was murdered (compound 1080 poisoning, in my opinion). It was clean, and there wasn't too much mess, even though it seems that † [resident] suffered enormously. A job well done, keep it going, dear friend.
- Nobody seemed to notice † [resident]'s depression, which got too much for him and he chose to end it all rather than continue living with you.
- We never thought we'd see the day : † [resident] killed themselves yesterday. They had been banging their head off walls and eating sand for days rather than drinking their ration of water...
- Multiple fires were reported in our Reactor core before it burst into flames. Then a huge green flash wiped out and contaminated the whole area. It only took a few seconds for the few remaining survivors to perish through radiation poisoning. What a climax!
- That reminds me, [resident1] found † [resident2]'s body lying in a construction site this morning. According to them, it was suicide... Although, [resident1] couldn't explain the knife planted in the corpse's back.
This is the part of the Gazette that provides the town with witty, comical details that don't actually hold any value to the town. It's just written to add a little "flavour" to the report.
- [resident] spent several hours rummaging through the bits and bobs in the bank yesterday... skulduggery or greater good?
- A quick thank you should go to [resident] who brought a decent amount of useful kit to the bank yesterday. Or not.
- If you take a look at the register, you'll see that [resident] has spent a considerable amount of time at the bank... Yeah - I said it!...
- It looks like some items in the bank caught [resident]'s eye yesterday . It didn't pass by unnoticed though, did it ?
- It seems [resident] decided to dump all their random findings in our bank. It's quality we need here, not quantity, [resident]...
- It should be noted that [Resident] spent the whole night howling in their house, to the point that everyone thought that the zombies were making citizen steaks out of him. It turns out that they were just having a [Action?].
- On the register, look how many times ____ has been meddling with the stocks in the bank. Did someone say suspicious ?
- One of the [#-1] attacking zombies from last night was found in the well I'd strongly advise you to skip your water ration today, as it'd be a great way to get an infection...
- The [pet] which was christened [name] by someone or other was found cut in half this morning. One half was found in the well, which explains the strange-tasting rations today...
- alaskan malamute;
- The bank is looking quite healthy, mostly thanks to [resident] who brought back a decent selection of trinkets for the troops yesterday...
- There is a great sadness in town this morning following the disappearance of our mascot [name]. We suspect there is a traitor in our midst (some are talking about [resident]) but it's difficult to know more at this stage.
- We all remember the fun we had the day [resident] christened the [pet] who lived in the town, [name] ... I'm sorry to report that [name] was found sprawled out on a construction site this morning. I'm sure [resident] would appreciate a short message of support.
This lists the people who have died during the previous day or night.
The list of the "Deaths in Town" are the people who have been killed by the zombies during the night's attack. The list of "Other Victims" are those who died in other ways ( in the World Beyond by getting Dehydrated!, etc.
Additionally, right beside the box there are lines that count how many days the town has survived. Mousing over the lines will show the text "Yes... # days"
Also, when there are no deaths, it will say "None!" in place of the names of the dead citizens. Mousing over the text will display the phrase "Don't expect it to last...".
If you look closely at the newspaper, you will see another text in Italian.
The text is:"La Morte del Giullare - Lettera Del Signor Conte Al Garoti Al Signor Abate Franchini", which translates to "Death of the Jester - Count Al Garoti's letter to Sir Abate Franchini".